Truly Belonging

I came out publicly as an ordained United Methodist clergy person working full time in the local church.

The truth of Christ's love for me as I am as a gay man set me free. After coming out privately to friends, family, and the leadership of my church, coming out publicly to my congregation and the world was a positive force for inclusion and acceptance in the denomination and in the world.

Personally, I feel more free in my ministry than I ever have before. People know the full me and my church not only accepts me, they see my openness about my orientation as important to my ministry. Since coming out, I have had several students and older adults come out to me, some for the first time ever, because they finally believed that the church wanted them and they truly belonged.

Looking back, there was a time I wanted to stand up for LGBTQ+ inclusion, but I didn't do so (or didn't do so as strongly as I could have.) Here's what happened:

Even though I was working in Raleigh at the time, I was afraid to participate in Moral Monday protests organized by the NAACP against the state's attempt to block out gay marriage. I remained silent at a time that gay friends and ally colleagues were disappointed by my silence.

I was afraid of getting arrested for protesting. I was afraid that being such an advocate for gay inclusion would somehow reveal to the world that I was gay (I was still very closeted at the time). I belonged to a congregation that was split on the issue of gay marriage and I was afraid to rock the boat.

I thought I was protecting myself and my ministry by remaining silent on an issue that I strongly believed in. I know now that it just led me into deeper shame about the truth that I was a closeted gay minister afraid of the church and the world finding out about me. I believe that hindered my ministry and prevented me from leading my church towards a truly open table.

Here is why I believe we must commit ourselves to active work for full inclusion of LGBTQ+ persons in our Church:

God made the LGBTQ+ community this way on purpose, with great love and intention. Being gay is not a disease or a sin, it is a way that God designs certain people. Gay Christians exist. We are effective in ministry. We are effective in marriage to the same sex. We want to follow God's word in this world and love the way Jesus loves. We deny ourselves daily, take up our cross and follow him. And Jesus has prepared a place for us at the table. I understand that scripture seems anti-gay because of certain verses. But Jesus Christ welcomes all to the table, and our baptism along with the power of the Holy Spirit equips us for every ministry, just like every other Christian. If we take our commitment to follow Christ fully, then we will understand that those clobber passages of scripture don't teach us what to believe, they are part of a larger testimony that informs us HOW to believe: and that is defined by a cruciform, risen Messiah. Gay Christians live our lives by this truth. We deserve to be in ministry just as much as straight women and men. We deserve to live out our love in committed, monogamous covenant with our partners. Christ blesses this. It's time for the church to do the same.

Coming out was a recognition that I am truly saved by grace through faith in Jesus Christ, not by works. Hiding in the closet, living a straight-reading life, I was trying to prove my faith through works righteousness. I didn't want to be gay. I was steeped in purity culture. I did not kiss anyone until I was engaged to my wife. I was celibate until I was married. I prayed every day for God to make me straight. What it gave me was a life of fear, anxiety, depression, and suicidal ideation. A bad tree bears bad fruit, and I was not denying myself in the way Christ called me to. I was denying Christ and bearing bad fruit for it. Coming out has awakened my sense of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. I am no longer afraid to be who God made me to be. I delight in it and finally accept the freedom the Gospel always promised me. I am living my life in obedience to the Gospel, and I am an out gay man. I am thankful for my family, friends, and even my local church, that have made it safe for me to be the person God called me to be.